Epic Update

After months of struggling (and I'd really rather not go to far into all that), and with a little help from our 2010 tax refund, we have finally been able to finish paying our lawyer and today was the day we signed the papers.  We are officially bankrupt.  *sigh*

Now, I have found an amazing online community that is full of answers, suggestions, information, and understanding. A place to ask my myriad of questions, state my concerns, express my fears, etc.  They've really been wonderful the last several months.   It's called:  http://www.bkforum.com.  It is an excellent place to research anything and everything about bankrupty.  Seems there are several professionals who work in the field offering solid advice (though not "legal advice", if you get the difference), also lots of
"been there/done that's" too which is extremely helpful because having just entered the "arena", it's wonderful to see the post-discharge side of things...that there really is a bright spot at the end, that it really will get better every day from here on out. I was so fully armed with information that when we went in for our initial consultation, our attorney was so impressed with what I did know that he actually offered me a job!  I might have taken that as a sign the firm was in trouble except for the rave reviews on my local attorney ratings site.  Fortunately for me, I'm already employed...too bad he didn't need a staff RN though.

Anyway...

Another thing Tall and I have done:  we enrolled in Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, a.k.a. Financial Common Sense 101.  We're about half way through the course and are getting a lot out of it.  In truth, we did already know a lot of what we've seen so far.  We didn't do before was stay organized and continuously 'run the numbers'.  I could just kick myself for not starting a retirement account at 19...but, regrets will drag one down the river so fast one won't have a chance to recover, so, best not dwell on that!  At least our kids will have the head start on that one. ;)  All this to say, we are proactively seeking solid information and redoing everything we did before so we never end up "here" again.  Ugh.

Here is the thing about filing for bankruptcy:  our US laws provide bankruptcy for the relief of people who, through catastrophic life conditions become unable to meet the demands of their debts.  Jonathan B. Alper P.L.C. puts it like this:

Most people who file bankruptcy are honest people who feel badly about not paying their debts. Many believe that bankruptcy is immoral or that they are doing something wrong. I understand how most of my clients feel about bankruptcy, but I believe they are being too hard on themselves.

Here are a few reasons why I believe bankruptcy should not be a moral issue:

• People promise to pay their bills. People also promise to take care of themselves, their spouse, and their children. Sometimes things happen in life which make it impossible to keep both promises at the same time. If your family is more important to you than your creditors, then bankruptcy may be the right thing to do. You can always repay your discharged debts when you are able to do so.

• Deuteronomy 15:1-11 enacted what is essentially the first bankruptcy law: At the end of every seven years, you must cancel debts. This is how it is to be done: Every creditor shall cancel the loan he has made to his fellow Israelite. He shall not require payment from his fellow Israelite or brother, because the Lord's time for canceling debts has been proclaimed" (NIV). In 1800, Congress used this law as the basis for the first bankruptcy statutes when it said that a person can file bankruptcy every seven years.

• Walt Disney declared bankruptcy before he created Disney World in Orlando, Florida. If not for the bankruptcy laws, this entertainment giant would not have been able to achieve his dreams.

• Congress enacted the bankruptcy laws to help you. The law recognizes that when you are swamped with debt, you are unable to provide for your family or to be productive in our economy. It is in your best interest, and in the best interest of the people who depend on you, to clean the slate and give yourself a fresh start in life.

• You have probably already paid back your credit card debt through your payments which the credit card companies chose to label as "interest" and "penalties." The credit card companies are equally responsible for your bankruptcy. When you first encountered financial trouble, these creditors probably did not lower your interest rate or allow you to defer payments. The credit card companies are usually not understanding or sympathetic. These companies don't care if you file bankruptcy because they have already recouped any losses through their 18 percent to 26 percent interest rates.

• This latest recession showed us that the best-intentioned and smartest business people in the world can make financial mistakes or can suffer financially without fault because of the world-wide financial system. Many very conservative businesses have failed recently ranging from small family operations to our largest financial and manufacturing corporations. Don't blame yourself if you succumb to the same pressures that put our best and brightest businesses into bankruptcy.

I will let you in on a little secret: I wanted to commit suicide last fall. I felt so awful that I couldn't meet my obligations that I literally wanted to give up. I'd failed.   Failed to stay out of the debt trap, be successful enough to pay off the crushing load of debt...it is suffocating! And at that point...I just wanted out.

Then, I was given a book called "Trusting God Even When Life Hurts" which ministered to me in ways I can't even express.  I got my perspective back.

My personal road through this isn't finished...but it has been soul crushing, soul restoring, and very meaningful.  Tall and I pray together now...for the first time in our marriage, regularly!  Having been a Christian for decades, that means so much to me...to share that part of my life with the man I adore.  He is a true gift and we will make it through this...together (Deo Volente!).

We've been able to shield a good part of this from out girls, but they aren't oblivious...they see we are struggling.  That is really the worst part for me. More on that another time though.

That's all for this update.  Our 341 meeting is in the beginning of June so...we shall see what we shall see.  Our attorney says it's really very straightforward though.  Everyone I've talked to says after this (actually filing) it will get better. That everything up to this point has been the hardest part.

Can't tell you how hard I'm hanging on to that right now.  I think I can see a hopeful future breaking through my clouds.

P.S.  Tall's surgery was great.  He came through just fine and since last year, he's lost 60 pounds and is biking about 20 miles a week!  Just wanted to update so no one thinks he died on the table or anything. ;)